Thursday, August 30, 2007

Satyricom's Dr. Ignatius M. Skinny, 364 times Better Than Your Average Employee

Recent reports from major media, question the integrity of today's titans of industry, the czar's of capitalism, and the kaiser's of komedities, as being callous, greedy, over valued and over inflated figure heads of corporate America, inevitably causing more harm than good to the future of American business.

Well, we at Satyricom don't believe that to be true. In fact, we believe the salary of our Corporate Executive Officer, Dr. Ignatius M. Skinny , 5th generation of this family owned and run multinational corporation deserves every penny he earns from the company. A position that affords all of us who work below him comfortable jobs in a high profile company that is responsible for many of the finer products on the market today. Why, because we have figured that Dr. Ignatius M. Skinny is 364 x's better than the average employee.

How is this so? Satyricom International's Analytics Department has run Dr. Skinny's projected value through a series of complex formula's and state-of-the-art computer modeling scenarios to determine his very worth (salary, pension, benefits, and compensatory package, stock options, etc.) and come up with a formula that ranks his performance with that what is the most economically viable for Satyricom International. While his worth for Satyricom is valued at 364 x's that of our average employee, his time invested and leadership at the helm of Satyricom, is not measurable by mere dollar amounts. The company is as much a part of Dr. Skinny as it is the part of An International Trade Organization protected corporate entity, governed by a board of share holders and trustees. A protected, limited liability corporation, that is publicly traded in 4 national stock exchanges. How many "average" employees can stake a claim that kind of responsibility? How many, huh? We didn't think so.

Paul J. Pootertoot
Press Officer
Satyricom International (A Satyricom Global Concern)

Friday, June 29, 2007

This Day in Satyricom History - June 29th 1983 - A Pandemic is Officially Over

Vaci-Nation's® First Block Buster in Pharmaceutical Field

1981 - Pandemic Sweeps the Nation!
After the gas crisis of the seventies, and an economic recession, the country was finally ready to look towards the possibilities of the future. But a unforeseen threat loomed on the horizon, we were at war with a new pandemic. These lyrics from a popular song by popular music duo, Buckner & Garcia reflect what ailed the nation:

I got a pocket full of quarters, and I'm headed to the arcade.

I don't have a lot of money, but I'm bringing ev'rything I made. I've got a callus on my finger, and my shoulder's hurting too. I'm gonna eat them all up, just as soon as they turn blue.

'Cause I've got Pac-Man
Pac-Man fever.
It's driving me crazy.
Driving me crazy.

I've got Pac-Man fever;
Pac-Man fever.
I'm going out of my
Going out of my

I've got Pac-Man

Pac Man Fever, or Morbeo Vir Pacus had begun to spread across the nation. Widely believed to have been spread through unsanitary video game practices. Free sterilized joystick wipes failed to persuade the nations youth to practice responsible gaming. The results were devastating. Glassy eyed pale children, teens, and adults wandered the streets with slumped shoulders and callused fingers, searching for quarters. A crisis had arisen in which no one was safe. Infected individuals would search the coin trays of pay phones, vending machines, and coin operated washing machines in their pursuit of feeding their sickness, unknowingly spreading it to unsuspecting individuals. Public campaigns to educate were to little to late, everyone was susceptible. In times when the government fails to provide for its citizens, a country must look to the private sector.

Under the lead of Dr.
Ignatius M. Skinny, Vaci - Nation® (a subsidiary of Satyricom Global Concern®), worked tireless hours to develop a vaccine that could fight the multi-symptom effects of Morbeo Vir Pacus (with little to no side effects) that would tackle the patients prognosis. Fighting such virus is a problem since Morbeo Vir Pacus presents a range of symptoms such as stiff shoulders, callused finger(s), increased appetite for things colored blue, empty pockets, and finally insanity. Until this time vaccines were usually made to fight only one ailment at a time, a 5 -way treatment was needed.

History has shown us that some people may be ingrained with a knack for a certain type of thinking. They sometimes call it "thinking outside the box." It had long been a tradition to combine functions of two or more Satyricom®brand products with each other to create all-in-ones™. From Otto von Dünnmager's all-in-one Whaling Vessel/Rendering plant that ran on whale oil, to great-great-great-great grandson, Dr. Skinny's, innovations in home appliances
such as the X-erspinnner (Salad Spinner and exercise bike). There was one thing that Satyricom did well, it was making multi-functional items. So with some laboratory tinkering and a little all American know how, Vaci-Nation's® newest fight against Morbeo Vir Pacus was ready to be put to the test.

A file photo of youth infected with
Pac Man Fever

1983- The vaccine is made mandatory in public school systems around the nation and Morbeo Vir Pacus was declared eradicated June 29th, 1983. With Vaci-Nation's®high profile, efficiency, and huge profit margins as a result of the companies call to action, the company was soon looked upon as a leader in the Pharmaceutical Industry. Board members and employees were the ones who truly understood the auspicious rule of Dr.Ignatius M. Skinny, a tinkerer, scientist, and inventor of many of the quality products so beloved by Americans. With determination and ingenuity, Dr. Skinny was able to pilot the vessel known as Satyricom®International (A Satyricom Global Concern) into uncharted waters and find dry suitable land, land to build a new colony that would be the Vaci-Nation Pharmaceutical Empire.

Friday, June 22, 2007

New Jobs Available in International Finance with Satyricom® International Finance (a Satyricom® Global Concern)

To Future Satyricom® International Finance employee,

In order to apply,you need to read the entire description and to reply this email with all the 4 questions answered.

An European trading company,located in Nigeria,is looking for US personnel in order to intermediate marketing transactions overseas.

Due to a large period of time concerning the payment transactions accomplished between US and Europe,our company is searching for staff,part time or full time.

The most important aptitudes required are seriousness in keeping in strict confidence the identity of our clients(our company's errand,including your salary,depends on that so the buyer's identity cannot be acquainted with the seller's),also promptitude on carrying out the tasks or our demands required to the matter.

The earnings in return for work are various,between $2,000 and $5,000 per month for only 3 hours a day.Depending on your time implication, seriousness and correctness, the earnings can be increased up to 300% .

If you are interested on a possible collaboration then then read the entire job's description and answer to all 4 questions mentioned:

Due to a high success of our company in trading fields(at least 800.000 satisfied clients),and also to some various complains concerning the large period of time to accomplish payment transactions between US and

Europe,we have decided to draft US personnel in order to facilitate this process.

In order to be able to charge the client we have to keep the supplier's identity secret so we will redirect the client's payment to you.After you will receive the payment and keep our errand(15%),you have to send the rest of the money to the supplier by using his preferred payment method.

We can attach,on your request,a picture which will provide you the business's steps :

1.Our company invested and invest in all the major trading markets.
2.The supplier contact us with a offer.
3.After a review is made we decide if we (or not) engage on promoting

their products.
4.A contract is made between supplier and our company.
5.The clients contact us in order to purchase these products and after

they'll sign an agreement contract,we'll start the transaction.

6.We redirect the client's payment to you and after you'll keep our(and

yours) earnings,it is your obligation to transfer the rest (85%) .

All the transfer fees will be supported by the supplier. Our company

will never ask you to support or to invest a penny from your own


Requirements :
1. Elementary knowledge of payment transactions.
2. The possibility to accept both payment methods :

a) Checks
b) Money orders
3. Promptitude in sending the payment to the supplier.
4. Due to the high taxes concerning the transfer of money between US and

Netherland,you have to keep our fee until the amount will become more

than $1000 .
5. Ability to send us our commission on request.

Earnings :

1.Our company charges every transaction with 15% :
a) 10% is your earning to every transaction
b) 5% is our company fee

2.After you sign our contract,no matter how many transactions you will

intermediate, our company will offer you a minimum income of

$1,000.00 per month .

Interdiction :

1.Not to fulfill the terms of confidentiality between our clients. 2.Delaying the payment to our suppliers,after you have already received

the buyer's amount(in the most cases our company shall request you to

transfer the payment in the same day after you will get your errand).
3.Impossibility of transferring our earnings on request.

Note : If you don't respect one of the terms mentioned above,our collaboration will be over.

Top 5 earnings for the last month :

Theodor J. David,CA - $12,149.00

Timothy L. Fullerton,Fl - $11,021.00

Joseph Stanberry,CA - $11,003.00

Jennifer Houchens,WA - $10,714.00

Keith Kimbrough,WI - $10,242.00

If you fulfill our demands and you want to become one of us then answer the following questions :

1.Are you interested on a Full time or Part time job?
2.If you work part time then let us know how many hours per day .
3.Are you older than 21 years ?
4.Did you have problems with the law ?


Kind regards
Michael Moubray
Personal Services
Satyricom Internartional Trading (a Satyricom Global Concern)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

A New Fiscal Year for Satyricom® Warrants a New Image

Satyricom Global Concerns Corporate Logo

The beginning of every new year elicits a need to change in most people, so why not the beginning of a new fiscal year?

Image is as much a part of business as...well, business. A corporate image must issue a respect to a company's stature in the market place, as well as pay respect to a company's past. At Satyricom, we make strides to perpetuate our dominance in business while respecting that original vision Otto von Dünnmager had of having his products on the shelves of every Americans home.

Otto took that vision along with the proceeds from the sales of Otto von Dünnmagers Vitality Tonic for Rheumatism, Dyspepsia, Whooping Cough, St. Vitus Dance, Dandruff, and Gout and bought a shelving company, figuring that if he couldn't have his product on the shelves of every American home, than he at least could have his shelves in every American home. Needless to say the Shelving market in America during the 19th century was an unstable one, and Otto von Dünnmager soon rose to the top.

Fast forward to today, and you will happily find Satyricom® brand products on Satyricom® brand tables, inside of Satyricom Residential® communities. We take pride in what has been built from a simple Vitality Tonic for Rheumatism, Dyspepsia, Whooping Cough, St. Vitus Dance, Dandruff, and Gout to the steadfast multinational we are today. At Satyricom®, We know People, We Know People Need Us, We know People Don't have Another Choice.


Dr. Ignatius M. Skinny, CEO, PHD, D. Eng, D.H.Sc, S.Arch, D.P.E, Esq

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Welcome to the official Satyricom Global Concern Blog

Satyricom Global Concern is a corporation largely ingrained in your life. We make the products that make your life easier, your family healthier, and the world a livable place.

Please check back frequently to see what we have to offer. You can't afford not to. We make the products that connect deep down with your soul, making the day sunnier, and life worth while. Yes, you could visit some of our competitors, but we have a longer history of making a difference in your life, than they do, and you wouldn't want us to stop making your life better, would you?

At Satyricom we specialize in making the products that you have an emotional attachment to. We make the things you can't live without. Like oxygen, we are there and we always have been. In fact, you wouldn't want us to move to another country and bestow jobs upon foreigners, jobs that inspire pride in our workers - workers who take pride in their work knowing that they are lucky to have a job at a company whose headquarters are located in the greatest country in the Free World*

God Bless America

* Our research department informs us that Myanmar is actually the greatest country in the Un-Free World